Alpine 2025 feels less like a Formula 1 team and more like a Netflix spin-off nobody asked for. Another Team Principal gone, another driver shuffled out mid-season, another year of waiting for 2026. Somewhere in Enstone, there’s probably a whiteboard that says: “Don’t panic, the new regs will save us.” Except right now, they’re sitting bottom of the standings, dragging a French legacy team through the mud with the consistency of a bad soap opera.
Best Moment: Gasly’s Solo Heroics
Pierre Gasly deserves hazard pay for driving this thing. His P6 at Silverstone was absurd — going from backmarker pace in practice to a late-race overtake on Lance Stroll in mixed conditions. Eight points might not sound like champagne material, but when you’re Alpine in 2025, it’s basically a national holiday. He’s scored all of their points so far. That should tell you everything about the state of the garage.
Worst Moment: A DSQ Nobody Even Noticed
Gasly got thrown out of the Chinese Grand Prix for running an underweight car. Normally that’s scandal material, but nobody cared because Ferrari managed to get both their cars tossed out the same weekend. When your lowest point barely registers in the news cycle, it’s less “embarrassing” and more “irrelevant.” That’s Alpine 2025 in a nutshell.
Driver Watch:
- Pierre Gasly – Performing way above the car’s level, dragging it places it doesn’t belong. But it’s hard to measure him against teammates who aren’t really there.
- Jack Doohan – Thrown into the deep end, then tossed back out before he could actually swim. Not great, but not given a fair chance either.
- Franco Colapinto – The magic of 2024 is gone. The spark’s out. What’s left is a crash-prone rookie who looks more like a liability than a future leader.
The scoreboard is brutal: Gasly 20, everyone else 0. This isn’t a team — it’s Gasly and three ghosts.
The Management Circus
Let’s be honest: Flavio Briatore should not be running around Alpine in 2025. His era ended when flip phones were still cool. He’s a throwback to a time when F1 was more cigarettes than CFD — and Alpine need a leader who fits the modern game, not a relic. Now they’re waiting for Steve Nielsen to take over in September, which sounds like another “reset button” moment for a team that’s been hitting reset for a decade.
The Verdict
Alpine is wasting its French heritage on politics, power plays, and constant reshuffles. Gasly is holding the flag alone, and that’s just not enough. Doohan was mishandled, Colapinto’s sparkle is gone, and the management is living in the past.
Half-term grade? F for Fast? No. F for French tragedy.
